Who do you want to be?
How do you want to be?
I want to be able to write a blog post without second guessing every word and sentence that I type. I want to be thoughtful and intentional, but and confident and full of self love. I want to be logical and full of faith. I want to have mystical experiences and a healthy amount of doubt. I want to follow through on the things that I begin. I want to be calm about life in general, and passionate about things that I think matter, and intensely emotional sometimes, because that’s life and living and being human. I want to do what I love but not at the expense of the planet or my family or our financial security. Or maybe I am okay risking my financial security. I don’t know.
Maybe that’s my motto: I don’t know. One time someone pointed out to me that I say that a lot. Other people use umm and like (and I use those too, I’m sure), but they pointed out that one of my fillers is definitely ‘I don’t know.’ Which is fascinating the more that I think about it… Am I that lacking in confidence that even when I am just talking about my own opinion I feel like I need to express my lack of certainty? Is there a degree to which that could be healthy? Humble? Or is it a lack of self-esteem?
Do my constant questions get annoying? Maybe in addition to writing a blog post a day for a month I should have some additional side quests. Like writing a whole post without any hypothetical questions or questions in general. Creating a ‘visual storytelling’ post (see an awesome example here).
What I really would love is some clarity. Like, what am I doing with this life? Am I living it in a way that on my deathbed I won’t look back filled with regrets? What are the things I care about and are they incorporated into my daily life? Am I making responsible choices? Am I positively impacting the world and lives around me? Am I growing? Am I healthy (emotionally, physically, spiritually, and anything that I forgot)? What have I always wanted to do or improve at that I have been too afraid to actually pursue/try? (skydiving, check. not killing my houseplants, NOT check.)
I think part of why I feel like I keep writing these same posts over and over again of: this time is different! here are my goals! new years resolutions! is because, I think, humans are BY NATURE forgetful. We constantly have to be reminded of things. Especially in a world where our attention is being pulled so many directions all day long. And I have found that especially without much routine that I have a definite issue forming new habits and reaching goals. I mean, I did write, illustrate and publish my children’s book… So I guess I need to not be so hard on myself… But I feel like I have been struggling to get motivated about something new and so I guess this is my attempt at re-centering myself.
Letter to Myself
If you are reading this, that means that you are struggling to write a blog post. Here are some things to keep in mind:
- Be gentle with yourself. No sense beating yourself up because that only causes shame and a loss of self esteem and more money spent on Leinenkugel’s.
- Let’s be honest. You aren’t some big lifestyle blogger or something, so if you post something that isn’t remarkably stellar it really isn’t that big of a deal! The people who genuinely love you will have grace for occasional mediocrity and the other people have 82 bajillion other blogs they could read (like this one or this one or this one) if your blog doesn’t pique their interest anymore. AND THAT’S OKAY.
- What is it that your ‘welcome‘ page says?
“glad to have you here in my little space of thought and processing. pardon the mess. that’s just the way life goes around here, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing if you ask me.”
This is the CONTEXT for this ENTIRE BLOG. If people want perfection, the internet provides plenty of sites that offer pristine kitchen photos and make-up tutorials (not hating on those, just saying that’s not why I am here) Plus, you’re working on your other “more professional” site that can be as professional/perfect as you want it to be.
- This is about knowing that you are capable of meeting the goals that you set for yourself. This is about empowerment. This is about commitments and positive life changes.
- Here are some ideas in case you’re still stuck: review a book you read, post art you made, update your Blacksburg walking progress, thoughts on a recent podcast you listened to, things to do with kids, Harry Potter Hogwarts Mystery app review with all of those screenshots you have been taking, a hope, a fear, a question, a myth, something that is often misunderstood about personality typology, a yummy new recipe….
This is about to be corny as hell, but don’t cringe and just go with it: Past Megan believes in you, Future Megan. You got this. (also, totally thinking about a time in freshmen year when we made time capsules and someone-who-I-will-not-name joked about peppy self-letters filled with corny encouragement just like this. lol You know who you are… ;) )