out of necessity

i just need to write.

<<to not worry about the fact that i don’t know how to make the extra line when i press enter go away and to not worry that i have very little control over fonts>>

i am thinking too much. is that possible?  when is the last time i interacted with a human? when is the last time i had a meaningful conversation? sending words into cyberspace isn’t going to help that, i know.  but perhaps it will slow this process.

this connection between my mind and my body and the world is decaying and the only ways i that i have been successful in altering that in the slightest is to make and to write and walk and lay in the grass and let the leaves fall around me and swing and climb trees.  but it’s raining.  so my options are limited.

what if the thesis i am proposing is my ultimate destruction?  what if the topic destroys me?

<<or is that just an excuse?>>