an unplanned saturday

Today contains a yearning
and no balm to soothe it

The harsh light on this walk makes me feel lumpy;
the twice-stubbed toe, fumbling.

A tree covered with leaves like fans,
the intricacy of the patterns of the bark,
and the gentle breeze
almost overtook the moist oppressive heat
and the tree swing locked behind
the fence with gaps just large enough for glimpses.

Almost.

A snake slithered beneath the brush.
Does it know its tail still lingers on the sidewalk?
A child playing hide-and-seek
and a woman all too happy to play along
as they hide in plain sight.
Oh, to be so easily found.

The walk is over and I try another route
But as my eyes skim the final words
of a book both beautiful and sad
there is revealed yet another emptiness
looking up at me with hollow eyes
and open mouth.

I try another route
the pleasure ripples through my body
and a moan escapes.
I open my eyes,
eager,
but the dopamine dissipates
and the bed beside me
is an empty yawning chasm.

Today the sun is a bully,
harsh and taunting,
and the seduction of shopping,
with its a/c and endless supply of stuff
becomes all too alluring
as I sit in my indecision
unsure of what next to throw
into this insatiable hunger.

The emptiness rumbling within me
threatens like a thunderstorm,
a coiled tension with no release,
no balm to soothe it.

(August 2022)

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an unplanned saturday

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