of freedom

crying to Jenny & Tyler this morning.  not entirely sure what it is that is hitting me so hard…maybe their raw emotion and honesty, maybe the way they harmonize in a way that really makes it seem like their souls have been joined as one, maybe their abounding love for their daughter…

specifically the album Of This I’m Sure and this song in particular:

My Dear One, find freedom / Forfeit not hope … I listened to the logic / Fixed all the problems in my head / You didn’t know who to trust then / Didn’t know who would love you in the end … I’m not giving up on you, love

I started this morning with ordering some of the chaos that continually fights to overwhelm our apartment (a.k.a. mostly hanging up the pile of clothes that always tends to accumulate)… letting the sun rise and stream into our little home…and then doing something I never do:  yoga in my living room.  Yoga itself isn’t new for me, however, doing it by myself with just a light wordless soundtrack in the background, is novel. It made me want to start every morning that way.  To be still and know. To close my eyes and feel the way my muscles are interconnected, the way they loosen as I give them time.  To actually feel some semblance of balance, in my body and limbs and breathe, but also between my mind, body, and soul.  The typical Christian “quiet time” isn’t something I have been able to do recently without falling into the pit of my mind, however this felt free, peaceful, life-giving.  I didn’t feel pressure to reach a certain goal.  I didn’t have the distraction of comparison.  I could listen to my body, calm the voices in my head, and just connect.

Then I was listening to Jenny & Tyler while working on a collage and drinking coffee…and that’s when the tears came about.  Not the usual tears of bitterness or despair or hopelessness or loneliness… but tears of… freedom.

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of freedom

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