The feeling of being taken advantage of is one of my biggest triggers
Feeling used and naïve
Whether it is by a friend, a company, a professor
It reminds me of how little control I actually have
Everyone has mixed intentions, I know that
And maybe it is the reminder that I, too, have mixed intentions that bothers me so much
But it almost always comes back to that question I asked my parents all those years ago
That question I have continued to ask again and again over the years:
Are we all just God’s puppets?
Am I just a pawn?
If companies can just change how things run
“I am sorry, but those are the new rules.”
The government can just adjust the hoops that have to be jumped through
“That’s just how it is.”
What power do I really have to fight?
What can I really change or control?
Because controlling my reactions to things hasn’t really seemed to help
Controlling and containing the anger and frustration and helplessness isn’t doing much
Besides making me want to tear down ‘the system’
Break down ‘the rules’
Confront the people hiding behind ‘corporate policy’ and “there is nothing I can do”
And it’s not just those situations…
Because when I really stop to think about it those employees may feel just like I do
Helpless and powerless
Unable to respond any differently because of The Man and The Rules
They’re just doing their jobs
But what about when it is the manipulation of just one person
One boy who just wants you to “come over and go swimming”
With all sorts of ulterior desires and motives hiding under his bathing suit
What about when it is one professor who “really wants you to succeed”
With dreams of tenure and awards floating around in his brain
When it is the one girl who “would love to catch up”
But really just needs money for an upcoming mission trip
Am I just a cynic? Seeing through all the motives
Am I being selfish? Using this as an excuse to avoid what I don’t want to do
Am I being hypocritical? Because of course I am no different
Surely I, consciously and subconsciously,
Intentionally and unintentionally,
Jumble my motives
Contaminate my acts of love and friendship
With selfishness and greed
So what?
What now?
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