push / pull (a performance)

I am mad, partially, that you are right
That you saw me
And what’s worse, without my consent.
But I am also mad
Simply
because you are an asshole

I am mad, partially, because you made me confront myself
Parts that I have conveniently boxed away
Because there’s nothing to be done with them
So why bother taking them back out.
But I am also mad
Obviously
because you are an asshole

I am mad, partially, because you took joy in watching me crumble
Saw it as some symbol that you were correct
And I am mad because you are not who I thought
Which is to say, someone who would never take more delight
in being correct than in being connected
And I am also mad because I’ve allowed your voice a spot in my head
And I am so very tired of performing
extraction surgeries.
And performing
in general.

And I am also mad
Because you don’t seem to care
That I think you’re an asshole.

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push / pull (a performance)

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